bigpoppaevil

Sun, 25 May 2008 04:13:23 GMT

you know what sucks? losing your internet for the better part of a Saturday. meh.

Fri, 23 May 2008 14:19:14 GMT

I was working on the Fringe press kit last night, spent like 3 hours total on the thing since setting it up, and the entire file crasIhed. Completely wiped out. Not a speck left.

I have to start over. Talk about a pisser.

good and bad

Wed, 14 May 2008 19:03:30 GMT

bad - my gut's not much better from yesterday. if anything, it started off the day worse.
good - feeling slightly better. boss was okay with me being off to recover.

bad - i need to refill my requip from the restless leg. prescription is 45 minutes away by subway and bus.
good - they could transfer the scrip to a much closer location but i had to go there personally.
good - the walk did me well.
bad - it won't be ready until 5:30. so i have to go back.

bad - the weather's colder and rainy today.
good - i avoided the worst of it.

bad - i'm horny as hell and no release.
good - there is no good at present. ~~not for a while. i hope.~~

health update

Tue, 13 May 2008 13:31:40 GMT

yesterday i got nail hard by something. started around 10am, got worse. i was vomitting and severe diahhrea. last night i ended up in hospital, because i was very dehydrated. they gave me an iv and replenished my fluids. blood work was okay, they're not sure if it was food poisoning or a stomach flu. i was discharged around midnight and slept 'til about now. i'm off work today.

thanks to kj for taking me to hospital, and suzi for making sure the puppy and cats weren't alone. (the roommate's in ottawa on business 'til wednesday.)

i am iron man

Sun, 11 May 2008 02:25:37 GMT

Jessica: and Stark was supposed to meet Rhodes after he escaped the cave
Jessica: but in the movie they've known each other for years
Paul: yeah they took minor liberties, makes for an easier set-up for the sequel
Jessica: and they didn't have David Hasselhoff reprise his role of Nick Fury
Paul: thank god for that
Jessica: lol
Paul: he's actually trademarked "don't hassle the hoff"
Jessica: "Don't hassle the Hoff!" "Oh, fuck off, David, I built that catchphrase in a damn cave!"
Paul: with scraps!
Jessica: of your dignity
Paul: SNORT

Fri, 09 May 2008 14:23:26 GMT

Thursdays are becoming a 'night off' from the Net, I'm finding. Between work, CSpOC and such, I need time for myself after. Otherwise I don't think I could unwind enough to sleep.

Eh.

What Your Feet Say About You:

You are not very expressive. You tend to keep your emotions to yourself.

You are a very passionate person. You are highly charged and easily inspired.

You are an assertive person at times. You'll pull out all the stops to get what you want, if it's worth it.

You don't fall in love easily. It's hard for you to connect to people, and you don't have many attachments.

You are not afraid of anything. You are brave and courageous, even when most people would be terrified.

You are very practical and down to earth. You're more concerned with action than thoughts.

You are a fairly hard worker, but you are also a little spoiled. You like indulge yourself every now and then.

You are easily influenced by other people. You're quite impressionable, so you should only be around people who are a good influence.

What Do Your Feet Say About You?

Wed, 07 May 2008 04:24:26 GMT

i saw the movie Young @ Heart tonight. If you haven't heard about it, there's a group of senior citizens who perform musically around the world, taking not the standards, but some of yesterday and today's rock classics and stepping them up a notch. Serious, "I Wanna Be Sedated" and "Fix You" just to name two. It was a moving, funny piece.

One bit bothered me though. Their musical conductor (who was 59 at the time of filming) had this patch of hair on his chin and, with his mop of hair, reminded me of an older Seymore Butts. I'd mentioned this to Scott (who got it) and Kelly, who god bless the recently-turned 30 year-old, assumed I was talking about The Simpsons.

Mon, 05 May 2008 03:37:04 GMT

yesterday i saw rik emmett (triumph, for you youngins) playing at hugh's room in t-dot. he's a wicked guitar player and the guy playing alongside him could give rik a run for his money. it was funny 'cuz we got comped on the guest list. and while we sat near the back it was extremely cool. and they played a version of 'all along the watchtower' that wouldn't stand to bear mccready's but was very decent in its own right. the down point was just after intermission i thought i had to toss my cookies and ran downstairs. i lucked out; dunno where it came from.

today we held a cspoc meeting today and we're getting excited for the fringe in july. nice to see it coming together. and after jorge, scott and i did a quick photo shoot for the poster, and grabbed a bite at a pub nearby. they served jorge a regular burger instead of a veggie one at first but then gave him a proper order and free drinks for the table. we talked a lot and it felt good. we're gonna do it again. apparently there's a restaurant scott knows that has a great veggie burger that i'm gonna try out next time we're out.

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:37:21 GMT

quote of the day (me to a coworker):

"Tracy, I'm pretty sure the client will recognize Australia."

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 04:53:28 GMT

fuckin' ttc. they get an offer of 3% per year for 3 years (better than 2% for 4 years as was what they wanted), shift premiums and a whole load of other shit, and STILL they voted down the contract. why? because they'd have to go before a panel to prove they were off 'sick' and deserved full pay. hey guys guess what? when i'm sick more than 3 days, my office wants a doctor's authorization, which OHIP doesn't cover. that's out of my pocket. and you know what? i got a 0% raise in december. in the best of times i get 1.5%. you've got job security, benefits up the ass and are making way too much money as it is.

and oh yeah, remember how you said you'd give 48 hours notice before shutting down? i don't think 2 hours qualifies as the same thing.

fuckers.

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 01:15:42 GMT

i am extremely Restless. It's insane; I actually ate standing up in the kitchen because I can't stand to sit down.

Last year at this time I was such a mess I boarded myself up in my bedroom and didn't come out for weeks, nay months. And now? I'm feeling claustrophobic inside.

I need to get out for a while.

Back later.

Fri, 25 Apr 2008 01:52:02 GMT

long day that started far too early. doctor's appt at 9am (good news all around, blood work is normal, bp is excellent, etc., even lost two pounds over the last month. considering i was up 6 lbs the month before, i'm happier). worked my ass off, then had a cspoc meeting to discuss the fringe and hav

stole it from j-ro

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 01:44:23 GMT

Your Score: Dante's Inferno

You are 79% Great Book

Both lengthy and gripping, Dante's Inferno is something of a masterpeice. It's fluency is extraordinary, especially when such beautiful language and form is turned to such a grim and horrific subject. Something of a duality; both inredibly beautiful yet carrying a capacity for great and terrible darkness, you are Dante's Inferno. You are beautiful. This may manifest itself physically, but it certainly manifests itself in your heart and mind. Despite this, you often entertain or are exposed to examples of dark evil. You seem almost plagued with the horros of your situation, despite being of heavenly mind and soul. There is also a deep sense of discovery about you, as if you have lost your way at some point and are looking for the right path again. You are capable of superhuman endurance, and will brave the worst perils life can throw at you to eventually find your way into your own personal paradise. Thirty-five years old at the beginning of the story, Dante�the character as opposed to the poet�has lost his way on the �true path� of life; in other words, sin has obstructed his path to God. The Divine Comedy is the allegorical record of Dante�s quest to overcome sin and find God�s love; in Inferno, Dante explores the nature of sin by traveling through Hell, where evil receives punishment according to God�s justice. Allegorically, Dante�s story represents not only his own life but also what Dante the poet perceived to be the universal Christian quest for God. As a result, Dante the character is rooted in the Everyman allegorical tradition: Dante�s situation is meant to represent that of the whole human race. For this reason, Dante the character does not emerge as a particularly well-defined individual; although we know that he has committed a never-specified sin and that he participates in Florentine politics, we learn little about his life on Earth. His traits are very broad and universal: often sympathetic toward others, he nonetheless remains capable of anger; he weeps at the sight of the suffering souls but reacts with pleasure when one of his political enemies is torn to pieces. He demonstrates excessive pride but remains unsatisfied in many respects: he feels that he ranks among the great poets that he meets in Limbo but deeply desires to find Beatrice, the woman he loves, and the love of God. Dante fears danger but shows much courage: horrified by Hell, he nevertheless follows his guide, Virgil, through its gates. He also proves extremely emotional, as shown by his frequent fainting when he becomes overly frightened or moved. As the story progresses, Dante must learn to reconcile his sympathy for suffering with the harsh violence of God�s justice; the deeper he proceeds into Hell, the less the agonies of the damned affect him. Virgil encourages him to abhor sin and not pity the justice meted out to sinners; Dante must achieve this level of stringent moral standards before he may begin his journey to Heaven, played out in Purgatorio and Paradiso.

Link: The Which book are you? Test written by adam_the_nang on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(adam_the_nang)

idol chatter

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:02:21 GMT

Paul: david c. should pick one person in the audience to sing to
Paul: rather than glance around
Kate: he has a great voice
Paul: yeah but he needs to connect
Kate: he connects with my pants
Paul: hehehehehehe
Paul: and yes, carly connects with mine
Kate: i'm glad he sang this straight without making it alternative
Kate: i think he's too self-centered to sing it to one person
Paul: i don't think you could
Paul: make it alternative
Paul: and still work
Kate: why does he blink in slow motion
Kate: i love-hate david cook
Paul: talking to the mother ship i think

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 00:30:23 GMT

Oh god, my eyes!

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 05:10:05 GMT

i'm gaining ground, step by step.

earlier today i'd decided i wanted to see "forgetting sarah marshall" and so i went. didn't waffle, or talk myself out of it. and it's funny yo. worth the 18+ rating. and despite my fears of giant penis on the screen it was minimal. and biggest surprise? mila kunis was really good.

i'm reading again. i go through cycles. usually when i'm up i'll crack the spine. i've been going through my latest terry pratchett book and enjoying it too.

sleep has been wonky this week but it could be seasonal. i have a history of problem sleeping in early spring. it doesn't worry me. this time, for more than one reason, i barely slept at all.

we're prepping for the fringe in july, and the first draft of the next project is written. i contributed muchly. so creativity is there. i need to marshall some of it to birthright from now through june.

july is going to be awesome. you could even say legen- wait for it- dary.

and because i'm very tired and feeling random i leave you with this.

i'd fuck me.

geekgasm

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 17:14:43 GMT

watching eli stone, bsg, trading spaces and doctor who on a sunday morning.

sad, aren't i? -smirk-

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 01:44:56 GMT

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 11:37:30 GMT

i had a nightmare that my cats died. it was truly horrific. never again, please, k?

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 23:43:34 GMT

i forgot to take a mood stabilizer this afternoon. well i didn't forget to take it, it wasn't packed for the day. i'm feeling quite shaky. dunno if i'll be online much tonight.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 14:01:49 GMT

bah. feel off today. like a slip. makes no sense. hate it. hate.

BFF

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 22:44:18 GMT

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 20:38:15 GMT

dear asshole down the hall from us. i don't give a shit if you are afraid of dogs. quite frankly i think you panic at the drop of a hat. and with your numerous encounters with mouse, it is quite clear she is quite well adjusted and would never hurt a fly. the one time you happen to be in the hallway when we get off the elevator, and she's off her leash and chooses to run to the apt and sees you and wants to play, should be considered a fucking compliment. that you instead inform me, after i restrain her and apologize for your ignorance, that you're going to complain to security, just shows how much of an asshole you are. you even tossed your fucking shoe at her. that was uncalled for. don't expect any sympathy from me.

no love.

paul.

Revelation 3:20

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:08:24 GMT

I've had quite the time realizing things, and talking about them with my psychiatrist.

A fair bit of self-analyzing recently, mostly about my 'formative' years. My dad was a drunk (he's sober now), he cheated on my mother with a woman he's still with (but will never marry, nor will she ever move in with him). The screaming matches when I was supposed to be asleep but absorbing every word that a six year-old should never hear. The police telling him to calm down, to leave the premises. How I learned about the separation and divorce when my mother drove me to a department store to buy me a placating present, a Star Trek themed board game. The times I'd visit him at his 'bachelor' pad, and especially the one time he was passed out on the kitchen floor and I tried to figure out how to make coffee to wake him up.

My first bought of depression came around then. The guidance counsellor at school could see it, but nothing was done.

And as today wears on, I come to grips with more. How I'd been afraid of falling into the same trap, drunk and beligerent to those I care about. Steps I took to make sure I wasn't ever desirable to another, the late teen years where I was a binge drinker, how I ate my pain away and made myself fat so no one would want me.

And I also know that, growing up in a broken household, I never had structure. I could just close my bedroom door and stay up 'til who cares when, watching the old b&w TV and no one bothered to tell me to go to bed. Or when I started skipping classes, I didn't get detention nor did my lowering grades get called into question. By the time Larry married my mom and trust me he had a severely different style of work ethic (which I now understand), I obviously rebelled.

My second bought with depression was around the same time. My dad took me to a psychotherapist who'd ask questions, but never really helped. And he didn't help me again when my relationship with Suzi fell apart.

And today I know this. I'm better than all that. I've built a modicum of structure from the ashes of the past year. I damaged myself physically by not eating right (to inflict/hide pain) and now I have to deal with Type 2 diabetes. I accept that. And I'm in control of it. It won't stop me from living my life.

And despite what I've encountered in the past, how I've handled it, I'm on the road (a long one) to getting better. I know what I want. Marriage. Family. It's not impossible for me.

whee!

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:38:23 GMT

Joss wrote another musical!